On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your marriage? How do your children rate your marriage?
As a mature Christian woman, I want to encourage your heart; God is a miracle worker! If your marriage is dead, there are glorious days ahead for you my friend. Our Saviour is in the business of resurrecting the dead.
I want to share wisdom I have gained through my own marriage mistakes. Perhaps God will use my own life to shine truth and hope into your marriage?
There are two main areas of attack from our No.1 enemy – the Devil. The first line of attack is our marriage and our homes. The second line of attack is our children. Don't be deceived; our marriages and our children are being preyed on. Satan watches our lives and targets our weaknesses. It is my experience and my understanding that the mind is our greatest weakness.
Marriage Security List
- Our mind will be balanced when our marriage is aligned with God's Word
- Our health will benefit when our marriage is aligned with God's Word
- Joy will follow when our marriage is aligned with God's Word
- Deep personal peace comes when our marriage is aligned with God's Word
- Zero marriage maintenance equates to grief and destruction
I am counseling a lady who lives in Australia. We each have a webcam and as long as our time-zones are accurate it works very well. I have asked her permission to use her marriage testimony in my writing. What she is learning and the specific questions I ask her, to be sure, will benefit you in your own marriage. God wants our loves to reflect Him. Our victories become a manual for other women struggling with the same sorts of issues. You are not alone!
When a woman has been in a dysfunctional marriage for any length of time, her mind is always under attack. Unfortunately, it's unavoidable. Eventually, statements such as "I don't know how to feel normal, happy, positive feelings" frequent the lips of women who spin in despair over their marriage.
That's a lie from the devil and he's the No.1 enemy of marriage!
You do know how to feel normal, happy, positive feelings. Your despair is a desire for precisely what you know you would like to feel – happy and positive. If you had never experienced happiness you would not long for it. You may know it but you just don't feel it and most likely haven't for a long time.
That's a ploy of the devil and he's a leech!
Women resort to anti-depressants to solve their marriage problems.
That's a door cracked open for the devil and he will kick it wide open! If you have trusted Christ as your personal Saviour, the devil can never possess you. You are a child of the King however, he can oppress your life.
If our problems were purely physiological, then anti-depressants would take the pain away and we would experience peace, hence joy. Common sense prevails. Our marriage is the key to unlocking and breaking the chains that bind us. Our mind is reflecting our marriage not the other way around.
I have great confidence in the resurrecting of any marriage. If your marriage is dead and lies in ashes, it can be resurrected by a Saviour – the only miracle worker who is in the business of resurrecting the dead!
My marriage will only ever be as fulfilling as my relationship with God is in seeking.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." All these things? Yes ALL – first and foremost our marriages.
Has it ever occurred to you that God is more interested in what you do with your marriage than anything else that you pour your mind into?
Women often make a statement – "What my husband has done to me and my mind." Error stands to be corrected my friend. Satan was your predator and he is your marriage destroyer not your husband. He alone is responsible for the death of your marriage and the mess in your mind – NOT YOUR HUSBAND!
Your husband is not the enemy. What he has or hasn't done in your marriage has nothing to do with the condition of your marriage. It takes two to make a marriage work; not one man, not one woman, but both husband and wife.
Our husbands will stand accountable before God for their own responsibility and set of rules that govern their job description. We will stand accountable before God for our own responsibility and set of rules that govern our job description.
I have had to learn to draw a circle around myself and live a life of obedience toward God. How my husband responds to me is His business and He answers to God. I am not the Holy Spirit in my husband's life and if there needs to be finger pointing, the convicted will be convicted. What God starts – He finishes!
How I love my husband before God matters. God blesses obedience and as I love my husband unconditionally (as I know God loves me); whether he rights me or wrongs me bares little difference to me continuing on in my job description. I do not base my marriage on a foundation of conditional love. I do not base my marriage on past hurts. I do not build my marriage on excused behavior which should be renamed bad behavior – because it is.
I had to learn to grow up! There are a lot of grown women out there who live and act out their lives as adolescents.
I am no longer bound by the chains that limit my ability to be everything God wants me to be. The chains of my past were broken at the cross just as the chains that hang around your neck should be lifted off and thrown away. The past is the past ladies – let it go!
Praise God that my past does not equal my future and it doesn't for you. I have no doubt that I would not have gone through the sorrow and pain that is inevitable with divorce if I had this wisdom in my early twenties.
Divorce is not an option for you - it would only make you more miserable and you would learn zero from your own accountability standpoint. I don't speak of the sin you are aware of, I speak of the iniquity you live with (and we all do). Iniquity is the excuses we make for sinning. Bad behavior is a sin and bad marriages are full of bad behavior.
Don't regret your marriage. Those words belong in Satan's sewer. I have no regrets with my marriage. We have grown to respect and admire each other. Because I live my life in the only light of truth which is God's Word, my marriage is a work in progress. We have been through greater trials than I have ever had to face in my life prior to this time.
The forces of darkness are out to destroy our marriages and so, we must claim the power of the resurrection every day. The same power that overcame death is available to us all. Isn't that glorious?
My friend, you need to close some doors. Just this week, I have prayed very specific prayers on closing the doors on unclean and unfamiliar spirits. My past was filled with doors that were cracked and that Satan kicked wide open. I am now claiming my life back from his oppressive clutches.
I don't know it all yet but what I do know is that my life is now on coarse and through the trials of life, I can expect to experience the power of an all-powerful and supreme God who is in control of my life and will not just enable, but will equip me for a victory that awaits us all. The battle is not ours – it's the Lord's!
Your marriage may be dead and now it is time to start over. Stop looking back at the wrong – the fingers point in both directions! The beast in your home is Satan not your husband; a man desperately needs a wife – that wife is YOU my friend.
Don't take the fractured wood and expect to build your home again. Let it go! Leave your dead marriage behind and start afresh. It begins with forgiveness and unconditional love. We all have the power to forgive and we all have the power to love unconditionally. After all, we are made in the image of our Father who IS forgiveness and who IS unconditional love. You need to tap into this!
God holds us accountable for building our homes – "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
I've been a foolish woman in the past. Thank God it's under the blood and that what I do NOW counts for eternity. My past is just that – it's my past. In God's eyes I'm a princess and the Queen of a gorgeous castle; a haven for my husband and my adorable son. I am so passionate about my marriage and my children that nothing pulls for my attention more than that. When I find myself off balance, I correct it immediately. That process is repeated daily!
One of you has to begin; begin with what's good. Begin with what's right. Begin with the love that our Saviour unconditionally bestows upon you each and every day. None of us deserve His love. While we were stinkers – He gave!
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Has it ever occurred to you that the root cause of all marriage problems is pride? I lock Mrs. Pride up in the closet every day. She has such control over me that if I allow that closet door to crack open, the damage takes a great deal longer to repair than the nails I've driven hard through the door to provide protection and security in my marriage.
God hates pride!
"The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate." Proverbs 8:13
It is because pride is such a marriage destroyer that I resolve myself to study from the Bible every verse and parable on pride. I want to keep myself in tune with my own potential stronghold.
One step at a time; you cannot rebuild your marriage overnight. Dig the foundation first. Then start on the pillars to support your new marriage and each step of the way will be an architectural masterpiece. Allow the same resurrected Saviour to resurrect your marriage into a beautiful and glorious marriage that will grow to become a reflector of Christ – a reflector of miracles.
I love you - Deborah