Tuesday, August 12

Training Children or Teaching Difficult Men and Women?

The foundation of all instruction on this site is:

• To know God
• To learn His value system
• Expose subtle habits
• Emphasis behavioral effects

The key element to the smooth functioning of any business, family, and relationship, is respect and submission.

Society reflects just the opposite mindset; fitting into the world’s philosophy renders acceptance and progression into a humanistic system. The hub of our world’s existence wheel is “self.”

As Believers, we belong to God’s Kingdom – a completely different and supernatural system. We are loved and accepted regardless of status or stature. The hub of God’s existence wheel is “Christ.” He is our focal point.

Is God the focus in your day-to-day choices? Let's place our marriages under the microscope for a minute.

Respect between a man and a woman come through mutual regard and appreciation for each other as individuals created in God’s image. But does our verbal and non-verbal communication demonstrate this respect in our day-to-day lives?

Habits can undermine relationships, as do our subtle choices. "What’s easier on me," can be the demise of any relationship.

It’s not about what works best for us. It’s about what’s best for everyone involved.

A good question is, "Will my actions compliment or compete with my husband?"

When Caleb was born, my husband and I decided to assemble the crib at the foot of our bed. It seemed harmless at the time. Eight months later, the effects of what was right to me was being heard and felt. Caleb’s cries reminded us that a seemingly good decision had consequences on everyone involved.

Sleeping Caleb in our room was not the issue. Did I ask my husband how he felt having a baby in our bedroom and our marriage space? Yes, I said, “Darling, would you assemble the crib here? It will be easier when I nurse during the night.”

That’s not asking. That’s manipulating.

My subtle actions continued to elevate Caleb above Kelly. It was not healthy for the marriage or Caleb’s training.

It’s never too late and when Caleb was eight months old, we turned the order around.

There are many nuances to this story however, I have condensed it to a summary.

Our marriage has been filled with regulating, reinstating, and respect.

Regulating your relationships is important for the health of all parties involved.

Reinstating is aligning the relationship with God’s order and purposefully surrendering regardless of the discomfort factor.

Respect for the uniqueness of the other person; a growing respect for the desires of the other person; a growing respect and understanding of how your decisions affect the other person/s involved.

Short term and long term, the subtle choices we make affects our world and the lives of other individuals. The foundation of all good quality relationships is submission and respect, not manipulating outcomes to suit what feels the best for us.

Children need to know their place at home and in society otherwise, we could be training children to be controlling, manipulating, and difficult men and women.

Did you ever see those pictures where something was "Out of order?" It may have been an odd hanging on a wall, the dog's tail was missing, or there were no hands on the clock. The closer you looked, the more stuff appeared until finally your list of "What's odd" was completed.

I want God to show me the "Out of order" stuff before others see the obvious and I don't.

We are all a work in progress and it's never too late to turn things around.

"Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways." Haggai 1:7

Ask God to turn the inside of your heart outwards and to show, as only He can, the hidden things of your heart that work against your marriage, and indeed affect your children's contribution to society and their ultimate condition.


We entreat you for direction through our lives. In this room and theses moment, minister to each heart. Shine your wisdom and truth. Prioritize the areas that need urgent attention. We ask for open, obedient hearts and guidance to begin living our God-given opportunities. Speak to us, Lord. We have needs. We are in need of your direction – Amen.

From the Heart of Deborah Choma

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